You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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