my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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