True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
