I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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