Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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