Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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