Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
