is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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