I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
