Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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