If you die in college, do you die in real life?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm too high and old for this...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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