I must be too annoying 4 u.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
