Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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