I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
