Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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