I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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