so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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