omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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