I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dear god my vagina.
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