Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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