And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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