Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
