I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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