I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
