i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
