My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
