I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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