I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
