I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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