Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
