my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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