duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
