Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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