I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
