my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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