Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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