you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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