i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Farmville is her only friend.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just pee around me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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