I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
