Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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