I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
40s are totally the cure
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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