I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
