honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
