I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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