You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
