I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
