Someone shit on the floor
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
