In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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