No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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