did you get engaged???
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
