Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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