She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
