I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
