.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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