I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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