Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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