I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we're making bets on your personal life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
