I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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