Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
