there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
