Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
