He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
