I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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