bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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