you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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