My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
