You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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