see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
