i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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