Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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