Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
