His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
