my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Are my feet made of real feet?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
