Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
