like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
