i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
