a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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