Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
