When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am available for nakedness
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
