I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
